23 May 2007

Summer is here...!

Not much to report here, just thought I would say hi.
I have an appt tomorrow for ultrasound and bloodwork to check my progress this month. On Monday, they didn't see much going on, so upped my dosage of Bravelle (FSH - that's follicle stimulating hormone for you curious people). So, hopefully there will be some good progress tomorrow and the IUI will happen this weekend or early next week. Then, I can enter that time suckhole known as the 2ww (two week wait), or as someone on the infertility message boards I frequent called it: ww2. Heh.

So, it is CD7 for those of you keeping really close track of my menstrual cycles (I am assuming that would be none of you). So, I guess I told you that so you can live through this with me. Only 21 more days until I can possibly see a "BFP" (big fat positive). I will be going on vacation shortly after that, so at least I can relax on my vacation and not wonder what the heck is going on. I hope. Maybe this month I will be celebrating! If not, Rudy and I decided we just might do IVF next month. That is "in-vitro fertilization", basically, a baby made in a glass dish. It is a little more invasive (requiring more shots and a surgical procedure), but it has a much higher success rate. There are some ethical considerations that go along with it, but Rudy and I are on the same page with how we would handle the different situations that may present themselves. Of course, you never know exactly how you are going to feel when you are in the thick of it. This is a heavy topic I don't want to get into now, maybe we won't even have to worry about it!

On another topic, summer is here and we are anxiously awaiting the cicada invasion that is scheduled to arrive any day now after 17 years. Yuck! Big giant bugs everywhere isn't really my ideal way to spend the next month or so, ick. On that note, I am going to get back to work.

14 May 2007

Another failed cycle

Well my friends, I got a BFN today (Big Fat Negative).
*****Warning: this post may bring you down*****
Didn't work. Nada. No baby. Nothin', zip, zilch, zero, buzzer, please try again. I actually tested yesterday and got the BFN on Mother's day. Let me tell you, Mother's day sucks when you are not a mother. (And you are not with your own mother.) It wasn't a good day for me, but what can you do? Pity party for Katrina. Why isn't it working? There is no way to know. Yep, that's right, the doc has no answers. Now we start the rollercoaster all over again. We will do another IUI now (if my body is ready for it). The doc will change up the meds a little. Now I am just waiting for the next cycle to begin. Sorry, don't have much to say, it is all too depressing... :-(

03 May 2007

The two week wait, again

This has been a stressful week. I am still trying to quell the butterflies and stomach churning. It is not good to be stressed right now, I did some yoga to relax yesterday. I wish I could go for a hard run, that would do the trick. But, not supposed to do anything too strenuous right now.

The custody case was settled finally. We now have sole custody of Jackson and we are all very happy about that, Jackson included. The child support payment part didn't go as well as we would have hoped. Unfortunately, the courts are still skewed toward the mother. She did a lot of lying and bullshitting in court to to plead her case. It made me SICK that she just went on and on that she was going to have to move and poor Cassie would have to suffer in all of this due to Jackson's disruption. Like this is even Jackson's fault, the poor kid. It is HER fault, why would she put Cassie in this position? What about Jackson's suffering? Anyway, the child support was cut in half (better than nothing), but Kathy doesn't have to pay us any child support for Jackson. I can't write about this anymore, I really need to put it behind me, it is still stressing me out.

*Sigh* I need a massage!!!!! I don't think I am allowed to get one in the two week wait though, something about making the uterus contract or something.

Okay - so, I didn't tell you about the second IUI we had on Sunday. It went great! 29.8 million little guys and 68% motility. I had major, and I mean MAJOR ovulation pain all day on Sunday, and then it vanished at about 5pm. So, the IUI's were timed well and there were plenty of little guys waiting when my egg or eggs popped out. I really don't know how many eggs were released as they didn't check that at the doc's office. I started up with the progesterone shots on Monday. Yeach.

I had another ultrasound today to measure my ovaries. They just want to see how big they are, if they are under 6cm?, then I need an HCG booster shot. I do need one, so Rudy will give it to me tonight. So, two shots tonight. Egads, I am becoming a pincushion.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but if I am pregnant, I have to continue taking the progesterone shots until I am 12 weeks pregnant. YUCK! Oh well, it is worth it.

The beta test (blood HCG test) is scheduled for Monday, May 14th. Not sure if I will post the results here or not. Last month, well, actually 2 months ago when I got that negative test it took me a few days to get over it. I feel it may be worse this month if it is negative because injectibles are supposed to have a much higher % of success, especially with the first one. Since it was timed perfectly, I really just don't see how it couldn't work. I know, I am getting my hopes up way too high, there are so many factors involved. I am really worried all the stress I am experiencing this week is going to ruin the whole cycle. So, I guess it could possibly, maybe not work. Isn't that hilarious, I am stressed about being too stressed.

See, I am obsessed. If it is negative, we will probably do another month of this, then maybe move to IVF. Maybe. Don't know right now. It just HAS TO WORK! I can't take much more of this!