Denied :-(

Blue Cross has denied us coverage for IVF. I can't believe it. We are looking at $15,000 per cycle plus the cost of all the medications and cryopreservation if we have left over embryos. Now what? I can't imagine having debt for a failed cycle.

If you haven't heard from me lately...

It's because my entire life is obsessed with my infertility. I've been doing a lot of reading up on the subject - it's one way to get support. What I've discovered, not surprisingly, is that women suffering from infertility tend to withdraw from their friends and family and it's completely normal. I am sure you have felt uncomfortable dealing with the fact that I am suffering and you don't know what to do or say. Well, neither do I. This is by far the worst thing I have suffered through in my life. And, it is a poorly understood thing for people who haven't gone through it. I just feel like all I do is complain about this and I don't want to burden you with my problems. It's the only thing that matters to me right now. It is also difficult to be out in the real world with people and their cute families and wonderful children. My life is frozen in time and I can't move on until this is resolved. I am not really feeling any joy, it is hard to do the everyday things. All I can say is please be there for me when I eventually come out of it. I need everyone. You could call me and tell me you are thinking of me though. Maybe when I get the motivation I will share some other insights about how to deal with me. Like any other illness people suffer through, this is on my mind every minute of every day. It defines me. It has changed me. I don't know why God is putting us through this suffering. It is definitely making me stronger. And, luckily, it is making my marriage stronger. I couldn't go through this without my wonderful husband. He is my rock - he is always there for me. We are definitely feeling this pain together. We are expending all our energy just supporting each other and keeping it together for Jackson. He knows what we are going through and has his moments of not understanding. Like last week when we had to work at home on Monday to get to a doc appointment and couldn't work at home on Tues which meant we couldn't make it to his cross country meet. He is vulnerable too - we are juggling so much to make this all work. Sorry if I haven't been there for you...

prayers for us are needed for the 1%

We are anxiously awaiting for Blue Cross to pre-certify our IVF. You would think this would be done by now, but no. I think the doctor's office dragged their feet on this one. But, it is not looking good. Since Rudy had a vasectomy reversal, our infertility cannot be because of his vasectomy or all coverage is ended. They determine this by several factors.
1. Is his sperm analysis normal?
2. Is the infertility because of me?

Answers:
1. According to the latest sa, we are off by one f***ing percentage point on morphology. It must be 4% and above, and it was 3%. Conveniently, last year in August, it WAS 4%. But now it's not. They only look at tests within the last year.
2. We have unexplained infertility. There is no diagnosis. There is nothing out of the ordinary wrong with me other than I think my luteal phase is too short. But that was fixed with all the drugs they give me.

Sooooo... I am thinking we are basically screwed. Over 1 PERCENT. I can't handle this. I finally was feeling like this was going to work and now something new to stress over.

Blue Cross won't let me talk to anyone about this. I mean, they will only talk to the doctor's office. The doctor's office tells me to call the insurance company. It is so freaking funny. But I am not laughing.

Did I mention that out of pocket this will cost over $20,000 !!! I am freaking out right now.

Here we go...

All the drugs have arrived and we had our consultation with the IVF nurse today. We signed all the consent forms and went through the entire protocol. As you can see, it is pretty involved. Here is the list of drugs we have to take:
Apri tabs - (me) Pill - birth control pill to suppress ovaries (already taking)
Bravelle - (me) Injectible - stimulates follicle/egg growth
Repronex - (me) Injectible -stimulates follicle/egg growth
Lupron - (me) Injectible - supresses my ovaries from ovulation
Doxycyclin - (me) Pill - antibiotic
Cipro - (Rudy) Pill - antibiotic
Baby aspirin - (me) Pill - I don't know what this is for, trying to find out...
Medrol - (me) Pill - steroid so my body doesn't reject the babies
HCG - (me) Injectible - to induce ovulation
Endometrin - (me) Pill - the vaginal progesterone pill (I am going to try this out and see if I like it in lieu of the progesterone injections. If not, it's back to the butt shots)

I start the Lupron shots this wednesday (a couple days earlier than I thought) and take those for 7-10 days then start the other shots. Then, 3 shots a day for 10 days until egg retrieval. Rudy is going out of town for 5 days and I am going to have to give myself the shots while he is gone. Yikes! Should be interesting... I will keep you posted on our progress.
xoxo Katrina

: : : : Project Baby : : : :

Well, we have a tentative IVF schedule. This stuff takes time. I was hoping we would be knee deep in this by now, but we had to play the testing and waiting game. Finally all of our tests are back and we could schedule the consult with the IVF coordinator.

I've decided to call this "project baby" - it helps me to deal with the seriousness of this with some fun. Here's the project plan: (keep in mind this is always plus/minus 2-3 days due to factors outside of our control). In other words, my body is in charge and even I can't control it :)

PROJECT PLAN - PROJECT BABY PHASE 1

Mon, 9/17 - Meet with the IVF Coordinator.
Sign consent forms, learn about all the fun injections/drugs.

Fri, 9/21 - Start Lupron injections to suppress ovulation

Sun, 9/23 - Stop taking birth control pills

Sun, 9/30 - Ultrasound, bloodwork. Start stimulation drugs to stimulate lots of eggs/follicles

Wed, 10/10 - Egg retrieval, fertilization, start incubation - grow babies!!!!

Sat, 10/13 or Mon, 10/15 - Embryo Transfer (2-3 embryos)
(3 day transfer on Sat or 5 day transfer on Mon)

Sat, 10/27 or Mon, 10/29 - Beta test (find out if it worked!) A positive test will be the best birthday present ever!!!

Sat, 7/5 - Babies are due!!! (If I am pregnant this cycle and it is twins, they will be due earlier than this actually)

That seems like such a loooooooooooong way away. We are delaying starting this a few days due to Rudy going out of town on Oct 5-9, but it worked out pretty good. Except that I will have to inject myself while he is gone. YIKES! Mommy! Come and visit me that weekend!