If you haven't heard from me lately...

It's because my entire life is obsessed with my infertility. I've been doing a lot of reading up on the subject - it's one way to get support. What I've discovered, not surprisingly, is that women suffering from infertility tend to withdraw from their friends and family and it's completely normal. I am sure you have felt uncomfortable dealing with the fact that I am suffering and you don't know what to do or say. Well, neither do I. This is by far the worst thing I have suffered through in my life. And, it is a poorly understood thing for people who haven't gone through it. I just feel like all I do is complain about this and I don't want to burden you with my problems. It's the only thing that matters to me right now. It is also difficult to be out in the real world with people and their cute families and wonderful children. My life is frozen in time and I can't move on until this is resolved. I am not really feeling any joy, it is hard to do the everyday things. All I can say is please be there for me when I eventually come out of it. I need everyone. You could call me and tell me you are thinking of me though. Maybe when I get the motivation I will share some other insights about how to deal with me. Like any other illness people suffer through, this is on my mind every minute of every day. It defines me. It has changed me. I don't know why God is putting us through this suffering. It is definitely making me stronger. And, luckily, it is making my marriage stronger. I couldn't go through this without my wonderful husband. He is my rock - he is always there for me. We are definitely feeling this pain together. We are expending all our energy just supporting each other and keeping it together for Jackson. He knows what we are going through and has his moments of not understanding. Like last week when we had to work at home on Monday to get to a doc appointment and couldn't work at home on Tues which meant we couldn't make it to his cross country meet. He is vulnerable too - we are juggling so much to make this all work. Sorry if I haven't been there for you...