11 April 2008

Belly perspective


Here is another perspective on my swelling belly. I took this photo on a whim in Puerto Rico and it is one of my favorites! We were sitting on a park bench in a square in front of Cafe Berlin (just a little restaurant in Old San Juan that bears my maiden name). Berlin will probably be our little man's middle name by the way.

It's amazing how wrapped up in this whole baby thing you can get. Before, I was so wrapped up in getting pregnant and those mostly painful memories have really faded (thank goodness) and been replaced with all the joys and pain of carrying this new life inside me.  However, the feelings of struggling with infertility do not completely go away. I still feel like I've been singled out and can't quite join the crowd of happy pregnant people. There are always these thoughts in my mind of resentment towards other people who seem to have it so easy and take it for granted. And, I told myself over and over how thrilled I would be to get pregnant that any amount of suffering during pregnancy, childbirth and those sleepless nights beyond would never compare to the pain of not knowing if I would ever even be a mother. But, in the midst of this pregnancy, I find myself doing a lot of complaining about how much my back hurts or how many times I wake up at night to go to the bathroom or to move (because my back hurts!). Being pregnant is difficult, there is no doubt about it. It must be this way to prepare you for what is to come - being a mother. But, I've already suffered dammit! Don't get me wrong, I am still enjoying being pregnant. When he kicks me after I sing him a song, or rub some little part of him sticking out, my heart just swells with joy! I love looking at my belly and knowing that I am growing this life inside me. It is a wonderful feeling too to have a piece of my husband growing inside me because I love him so much! 

I don't want to say that my pregnancy is any more special than anyone else's, but it sure is special to me! This is the biggest blessing of my life and I am so looking forward to more backaches, sleepless nights, crying babies, and all the other joys and pains of motherhood.

4 comments:

Jennifer said...

Great post - I know how you feel! I can't wait to feel kicks - that will be an awe-inspiring moment for me. You're 29wks...that's awesome, indeed.

I can't see the photo though...maybe there's a linking issue?

Katrina said...

Thanks Jen! You should feel some kicks in the next few weeks or so!!! I don't know what the deal with the photo is - both my hubbie and I can see it on our computers... hmmmmm...

Jennifer said...

I can see it now...must not have loaded for me earlier...strange. Adorable photo...I would cherish it too!

By the way, I got the dressers at a little antique/re-sale shop by me...it's kind of a hole in the wall place, but we lucked out in finding these!

amiracleforme said...

That is a lovely photo :)