2 months old!

Maddox is 2 months old and loves his monkey!

Here he is in his big boy pants!

Oooh, a cute little naked butt!

Look at me, I can pick up my own head!!

What a little cutie tootie if I do say so myself. For the last 2 weeks or so he has been sleeping longer at night - 7 hour stretches! I would say that is sleeping through the night darnit! I am not so sure how that is supposed to work with breastfeeding though, my boobs are so full when he finally wakes up, yikes. He is also looking around more and more and of course smiling more and more. His crazy hair gets lots of comments from people everywhere - that is usually the first thing people say "look at all that hair!". I swear I comb it down when it is wet, but it just pops back up. he is getting stronger and stronger and can lift his head up pretty high during tummy time, if only for a moment. In fact, one day last week - he lifted his head so high and kicked his foot at the same time, that he ROLLED OVER!! Whoohoo!!!! That was last Tuesday, but he hasn't done it since, so maybe just a lucky roll, hee hee. I have to go back to work in three weeks and I can't believe it is already getting so close, I am going to be so sad to have to leave him all day. I haven't been separated from him for more than 2 hours so far, so I am going to have major separation anxiety. I hope he adjusts easier than me to being with his new daycare momma, "miss carrie". I don't want to think about that just yet though. Sniff sniff.

7 weeks old!

I have been going hog wild taking lots of pics of the little guy with my new camera. I still haven't made it off the automatic setting, but I need to do some homework or take a class so I can go to the next level in my photography skills. But, these pics look pretty good anyway! What a darn cutie he is!! Of course I think that, I am his mother! 

He still isn't sleeping through the night, actually we've gone from sleeping for a good 4-5 hour stretch back to 3 hours at the most. Oh well, we will get on a good schedule eventually! I don't mind, he is such a joy! I can't believe I have less than 5 weeks left of my maternity leave, it really goes by fast and I am trying to enjoy every minute. But, I am already thinking about going back to work and it is making me very anxious. I know it will be alright, but I am going to miss him so much!! I am not that keen on the idea that someone other than me is going to be taking care of him so soon, but what can you do? He is only going to be in day care 3 days a week, so it won't be that bad. But, they will be long days because Daddy and me have long commutes to work. We are going to have to do something about that sometime. Anyway, I am going down to a 4 day work week and Rudy is working 4 10 hour days so he gets to be with his daddy on Monday and mommy on Fridays. 

I can't believe the summer is almost over too!! Jackson is back in school and is a junior this year! Time is just flying by. I don't have a newborn anymore either, he is almost two months old and is doing more and more every day. He can lift his head up pretty good when he is on his tummy during tummy time. One day he just picked up his head and started looking around! I was shocked! He could lift it a tiny bit, but then all of a sudden he can lift it almost 90 degrees! What a strong little boy he is! We are working on rolling over now - he needs lots of time on his tummy for exercise and get strong enough to roll over. I hope it happens soon, I am sure I will get a picture of it to share with you! Oh, I almost forget to mention the most important thing - he smiles lots now!! It is a true social smile - he smiles back at mommy and daddy when we smile at him. That is the best thing ever!!

I fell in love on the 4th of July: Part 2

It's about time I finished this story... So, we left off with me getting the epidural and feeling pretty darn great and about to drift off for a good nights rest. Wrong. I tried to rest but after a little while the nurse came in and informed me that I needed to adjust my position as the epidural works by gravity and I can't stay in one position for very long. My left leg was getting really numb. Great, so I am going to have to switch position every 30 minutes all night long, sounds restful! I tried to get rest in between, but after a while she was coming in an awful lot to move me. I have to say, I was pretty out of it all night and it was a big blur, but here's basically what happened. At some point the baby's heart rate started decelerating and my blood pressure was dropping and setting off the alarm. The nurse kept coming in and moving my position, studying the charts keeping track of the baby's heart rate and adjusting my pitocin.  Laying on my left side wasn't good for the baby, so I had to avoid that side.  There was one time that I actually fell asleep for a few minutes and was woken up (of course) to move. So, I basically got no sleep all night long. The nurse also had to turn down the pitocin because that seemed to be aggravating the baby and making his heart rate drop. I was also given an oxygen mask to wear at some point too to give more oxygen to the baby. Now, this all sounds really scary, but as I said, I was out of it and didn't really feel worried or anything. I think back and wonder why I wasn't freaking out! My mom was really worried and was asking the nurse all kinds of questions about why the heart rate was dropping - was the cord compressed? She didn't really answer - probably because she didn't know. The doctor was apparently sleeping and she just closely monitored me all night trying to keep labor moving along and keeping everyone safe.

By 5am or so after an entire night of the same changing position, oxygen and very slow progress, I was finally dilated to 8cm. As time went on, I could start to feel the contractions again, just a lot of pressure down there which was a good sign I guess, but didn't feel that great! The doctors were changing shift at 8am, and the new doctor was Dr. Martin who is a great doctor and really super nice - I really like him. He came in shortly after 8am and checked me again and I was dilated to... 8cm. Still. He sat on the bed and said he knows we probably don't want to hear this, but he recommends we do a c-section.  I had been stuck at 8cm for 3 hours, the baby was not progressing and further down the birth canal, and it was going on 20 hours since my water broke. He left us alone to talk it over and decide, although it didn't seem like we had a choice. I burst into tears of course. I was completely exhausted and even though I was still numb, my whole body felt sore. We agreed that we had to go through with it and when the doc came back in, gave him the ok. He said he would assemble a team right away. Within minutes there was a flurry of activity in my room. A nurse came in to shave me, the anesthesiologist came in to add medicine to my epidural and Rudy had to suit up in a crazy getup to go into the OR with me. My mom couldn't come into the OR also, so had to go out to the waiting room alone. 

In no time, they were wheeling me down the hall and I suddenly was extremely nervous. My mom started to cry walking down the hall, I felt so bad for her having to go out to the waiting room for who knows how long all by herself. I told her to not cry, I would be ok. My nurse was back from the day before and was wheeling me down the hall and started singing Madonna songs with me. I must have sounded like a drunken sailor slurring the words to Madonna - I was feeling pretty groggy, but I didn't care! She was really sweet doing that to get my mind off the impending surgery.  I had to go into the OR by myself while they prepped me and Rudy would join me when they were ready. I was feeling really, really nervous now. I have had surgery several times before, but never awake! What if the drugs didn't work? What if it hurt? Yikes! They gave me lots of drugs and in no time I couldn't feel anything between my boobs and toes. Rudy came in and they started. A few minutes into it, Rudy stood up, he wanted to watch! Yuck! He asked the doc if he could and he said yes, but the anesthesiologist wanted Rudy to sit down! A few minutes later I felt like my body was moving around, but no pain. In no time I heard a baby crying! The doctor said he was a big boy and the cord was around his neck, and the cord was short.  Maddox was born at 9:02am!! A nurse showed him to me for like a millisecond, then Rudy went over to where they were taking care of the baby.

The next hour was really hard. I didn't get to hold my baby, I hardly saw him and I had to lay there while they sewed me up. Rudy came back a little while later and showed him to me and I got to kiss his little face, but then they sent him to the recovery room. During the next 30 minutes or so, I felt like crap! I was shivering and cold and my heart was pounding so hard, I thought I was dying. I told the doctor this, but felt better soon after thank goodness. I don't remember much of this time to be honest, I was really tired and groggy. The drugs in the epidural do make you feel out of it if you ask me. I do recall my nurse scrubbing me all up to wash off all the betadine, she said she was sorry if it hurt, but I would thank her later because it is hard to wash off. I finally made it to recovery and Rudy set Maddox on my chest and I just hugged him and kissed him, I was so happy!!! I did get to breastfeed in the recovery room - it was hard, I was very groggy, had a hard time focusing my eyes and my boobs were numb!! But, he latched on right away and ate for a little while. They finally wheeled me up to my room and Rudy went to find my mom. I breastfed him again, then everyone left to go home and get some sleep and left me to get some sleep. It was probably noon by then. 

Rudy came back at 3pm or so with 2 dozen gorgeous yellow roses and big brother Jackson who got to meet his new little brother for the first time. We decided that Rudy should go back home and sleep that night at home so he could get some good rest as he hadn't slept in two days. That night, I started trying to sleep around 7pm and the baby went to the nursery. If you are tired, I highly recommend doing this. It was still really hard to sleep - I was hooked up to all these crazy contraptions. My bed changed position every so often, I had these blow up leg massagers on my legs that were massaging my legs all night and an IV pump that made a lot of noise. I managed to doze off in between feedings, but it was hard! The nurse brought Maddox back to me to eat every 3 hours or so. I really looked forward to seeing him even though I was really tired and didn't mind at all when they woke me up. I fed him around 10pm that night and as it was the 4th of July, we could hear the fireworks going off outside. The nurse opened my blinds and lo and behold, I could see the fireworks out my window!! The hospital is right next to the park where they shoot off the fireworks in Naperville. There was a building in the way, but I could see the edges of the fireworks. The nurse left us alone to cuddle and we watched the fireworks together. It was a really surreal, but special moment that I will never forget!! I finally was alone with my baby for the first time and that was when I literally fell in love with him. I have never been happier and am the luckiest mama! Welcome to the world Baby Maddox, I love you!!

10 lbs 8 oz and 22 inches long!

Baby Maddox is growing good! Actually he is in the 50th percentile, so average size/growth. Just right to me! He is looking chubbier and has actually grown out of the current diaper size of the seventh generation diapers. We are planning to switch to cloth diapers, but were waiting for him to be a little bigger to fit better into the one size bumgenius or happy heiny cloth diapers. Need to order more diapers though. I would like to try to at least do cloth part time - although I have to admit using the disposable is convenient, but I feel guilty! It will get spendy using the seventh generation diapers full time though I think, although I haven't really done any price shopping yet on diapers. 

Just in the last few days we have had some great milestones (I think). I pumped for the first time, although only got 1.5 oz out - it is hard because he wants to eat so often, when the heck am I supposed to pump? I need to get some advice from other moms on that one. But, daddy gave him his first bottle and he took it with no problem and drank it down in no time. 1. 5oz isn't enough and he was still hungry!! But, at least we know he will take a bottle. The pediatrician said we should keep doing it every once in a while so he won't reject them later. The other night I woke up around 4am to hear baby Maddox sucking away on his hand. He was perfectly content by himself in the cosleeper sucking away and kicking his little legs. I was like, whoopee!!! He is comforting himself!!! How cute!! Then I picked him up a little while later and fed him. But, he does pretty good by himself even when he wakes up in the middle of the night. During the day when he wakes up alone in the crib or bouncer seat he is very upset, but at night he is fine. Wierd! But, at least he is sleeping longer and doing good on his own. He is sleeping with me less and less. I know, I know, not good to have him sleep with me, but you do what you gotta do to get by, trust me. I need to sleep too!

1 month old!

Here's a photo I took of Maddox today with my new camera! Mommy is going to go crazy now taking photos with her new Nikon D60!

I swear I didn't photoshop this - Maddox says "peace"!

Here's a photo my Dad took last weekend - his hair was all cute and fluffy after his bath!

Maddie's first tub bath with Mamie and Mama! I can't remember exactly what day this was, but he likes taking tub baths way better than sponge baths!

I can't believe a whole month has gone by - my leave is 1/3 over! Sniff sniff! He is sleeping longer at night now - sometimes up to 5 hours at a stretch. He is also sleeping more in his cosleeper and less with Mommy. He smiles more often now and looks around and seems to be noticing the world a lot more. His hair is also getting longer - I think he is gonna need a haircut soon. I don't think I can bear to cut it though, I love his fluffy hair! He is also getting big - I take him to the doctor this week to get the official weight, but I weighed him on our scale at home and he is now over 10 lbs! He is gonna be a bruiser! He is filling out and his face and legs definitely seem chubbier. He sleeps pretty good in the car - the louder the music and bumpier the ride, the better. We are still breastfeeding 100% - but I am going to try pumping and introducing the bottle this week so Daddy can participate in feeding him. We'll see how that goes! So far, he is a really good baby and we love him to pieces!

I fell in love on the 4th of July: Part 1

This is the story of the birth of Maddox. My mom arrived on Monday, June 30, and after I got her safely home from the airport I thought for sure I would go into labor that night or soon after. After that didn't happen, I was on a little mission to get this baby out. On Tuesday evening, Rudy made his old standby dinner - sauerkraut and kielbasa. It was yummy, but I knew it would give me indigestion and my digestive system was already backed up and when it did try to move, let me tell you it was painful! My doctor on Wednesday said I was still dilated to about 1 or 1.5 cm and so we scheduled the induction for the following week which was a relief, but I really didn't want to wait that long! So, that evening we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner and I chowed on some hot wings - lots of them thinking that would move things along. The caribbean jerk wings were hot and tasty, but no baby that night.

The next day it was Thursday, July 3rd, my actual due date, and I was working all morning at home trying to finish up a project. Around lunchtime I sent out all my files via email to the project team and went upstairs to take a shower. Rudy and I also thought we would try one other thing to get labor going and let's just say it did the trick. (Use your imagination, but don't think about it too long, hee hee!!) A short bit later as I was laying in bed, lo and behold, I felt and yes, actually heard this popping sensation, then a flood on the bed. I was in shock at first - oh my goodness, this is it! I couldn't believe it!! Rudy was there with me when it happened and he was shocked too at first. Then he kicked into "Mister organization" mode. "Here's a towel" he says, "I am going to take a shower and then finish packing up. You can shower then". Yea, we weren't completely packed and we had a lot to do! All I could think was I needed to send emails to people and grab this and that and oh yea, call the doctor! We were SO EXCITED!!!! I actually got in the shower first so I could relax and wash my hair and attempt to shave my legs. Ha ha, yea, I actually shaved my legs. And let me tell you, shaving your legs when 9 months pregnant takes forever and is really difficult!! Every time I moved around, more amniotic fluid would come out. It seemed like I was losing a lot and it made me nervous. I couldn't feel Maddie moving, so I was anxious to get to the hospital. Rudy called the doctor while I was in the shower and they said we were to come in pronto because of the rupture. We weren't going to rush right over there - we wanted to clean up and get all our stuff together. Rudy also called my mom who was at the grocery store with Jackson and told her, so she came home and said she would make us sandwiches because once we got to the hospital, they wouldn't let me eat or drink anything. She was right, from the moment I arrived, all they let me have were ice chips. 

So, my water broke around 1pm - by the time we showered, shaved, packed, ate and emailed, we got to the hospital and were in our room by 3pm. I did start having contractions shortly after my water broke, they were pretty minor though, nothing too painful, but pretty regular at 3-5 minutes apart. But, they were definitely different than the Braxton-Hicks I had been having. There was more pain in the groin area, like my entire pelvic floor was contracting rather than my tummy. We started writing them down and they were coming pretty close together - about 3-5 minutes apart, but very mild and not painful at all really.

We arrived at the hospital and did the valet parking and went right up to labor and delivery and were in a room by 3pm. My nurse, Theresa (who was so cool), did the little test to make sure my amniotic sac had indeed ruptured (and yes, it had - duhh, I was gushing so much fluid it was freaking me out). Dr. Weeks was the ob/gyn on call that day and he came by and he checked me and I was still only dilated to 1.5 cm or so. The plan was to let me contract on my own until 6pm and then start pitocin if I wasn't making a lot of progress. So, I got off my butt and we went on a couple walks around the halls to get the contractions going. At 6pm they started the pitocin. I was still contracting on my own, but they were still around 3-5 minutes apart but not much stronger. They slowed down when I layed down and they wanted to get the labor going since my water had broken. The contractions got stronger and stronger and we switched from the deep, slow breaths to the faster "hee hee hee, whoo" breaths. The contractions were starting to hurt pretty good! But, they were manageable. Around 9pm the doc came and checked me and I was dilated to 3cm. He asked me if I wanted the epidural and I say "oh yea"! Rudy thought I should wait a little longer, but I didn't really want to experience contractions much worse than the ones I was having, and looking back it was a good decision because I was exhausted by the time I had him that having to suffer through more pain would have worn me out even more.  I think I was very lucky in that I didn't experience really hard, painful contractions. But, I got a tiny taste of what contractions were like and knew I didn't want to experience any more pain! The anesthesiologist came in and I got to experience one of the more unpleasant experiences of the night. I had to pee and asked if I could go to the bathroom before he put the epidural in, but he was in a hurry and had to go do a c-section next so said he would leave if I went to the bathroom. He was not a very nice guy I have to say and he proved it when he stabbed me in the back with the first shot to numb my back. I wasn't ready for it and he just jabbed it in all of a sudden and I jumped. Then he shoved the catheter in and I could feel it go in and up, it was a very weird and very unsafe feeling to have someone jerking something into my spine. I had a really hard time staying still. I was holding onto the nurse for dear life. Rudy left the room and let my mom stay with me during because they only wanted one other person in the room, but she had to sit across the room and couldn't really do anything anyway. Once it was in, I had instant relief - I did have one contraction during but it wasn't too bad. The epidural made me feel a little woozy, relaxed and numb! I didn't feel any pain at all until the next morning.  I couldn't even tell anymore that I had to pee. About 30 mins later, the nurse came in and put a catheter in so I could "pee". I couldn't feel anything and settled in to take a nice snooze all night long. Little did I know that I wouldn't sleep a wink!

Baptized on Sunday!!

Our little angel baby was baptized this past Sunday at our Lutheran church. His big brother Jackson is his godfather and my best friend Marcy is his god mother. We did this so quickly because my parents were in town and wanted them to be a part of it. Also in attendance was Rudy's mama. It went beautifully and then we all went to Meson Sabika for brunch. We got to sit in the same spot we sat on our wedding day for our reception - under the canopy of a tree. The weather was just wonderful and the food and company was perfect. Welcome to God's family little baby Maddox! We all love you so much!

My mommy left today...

And now I am on my own! I am going to be all alone with my baby tomorrow! I have to go back to see the doctor tomorrow too cuz my incision has been bothering me and isn't healing like it should - it is red and inflamed in two spots and in one spot it is oozing and bleeding a little. I hope everything is ok! I am going to have to take Maddie to the doc with me, should be a fun time!

Speaking of Maddie, he is just the sweetest baby and I love him sooooooooooo much. I burst into tears every once in a while just overwhelmed with how lucky I am and how much I love him. It actually hurts! I can't believe I waited this long (and it took this long) to become a mother. It is the best (and scariest) thing in the world and I want another one! I am listening to him sleep - he is making these cute little baby noises with every breath - he is a very noisy baby. He moans and almost hums in his sleep and when he is eating. He can be especially loud at 2am and wake Daddy up, oops! The best sound he made was early on when he would cry, he would hoot like a little owl. It was just the cutest sound in the world, I almost want to let him cry just so I can hear that cute little hoo hoo sound. 

I am working on writing up the story of his birth and just haven't had time to finish it, but it is coming soon. I also have more pics to share, keep checking back for more! Lots of love to everyone for all their good wishes, gifts, cards, flowers and help during this special time. Thank you!

Sleepy smile

I caught Maddox smiling in his sleep - well, more like smirking! He is so fricking cute I can't stand it! He looks very mischievous here though, what have I gotten myself into?

40 weeks belly shot

Just wanted to get my last belly shot up here - should've posted it before the baby announcement, but I couldn't help myself!! This is literally minutes before we left for the hospital, so my water had already broke. It looks kind of square in the photo, hee hee, weird!

Introducing... Maddox Berlin Benco - our 4th of July baby!

Twenty hours after my water broke, Maddox came into this world via emergency c-section. He arrived at 9:02am on the 4th of July. He weighed 8 lbs, 1 oz and is 20 inches long. He is a very sweet baby who has caught on to breastfeeding very well. I love his full head of hair and his chubby round face. He is just perfect to me, the biggest blessing of my life and I am so lucky!!!! 

My water broke!!!!!!

It happened about an hour ago and we are heading to the hospital now... Can you believe it happened right on my due date? Crazy! Maybe he will be a July 4th baby!! I'll post an update when I can....

1 day left! Induction scheduled...

I can't believe my countdown ticker says there is 1 day left! It is so crazy that my due date is finally arriving. Although, I am not so sure the baby is going to arrive anytime soon. I saw the doc today and she said I am still dilated 1cm - maybe 1.5. Whoop dee doo. She said she would try stripping my membranes to get things going, but my cervix was so soft she didn't think it was necessary. I did lose my mucous plug last night though. Not to get too gross on you, but I got up in the middle of the night and there was a goobaly mess on the toilet paper. (Goobaly is a medical term.) But, as with most of the signs of labor it doesn't mean much except gee, I might deliver in the next day or the next 2 weeks! So, thank goodness, my female OB decided to schedule my induction for next week - 1 week past my due date. The male doc I saw last week wanted to wait for 1.5 weeks past, ugh! So, I am scheduled to go for induction next Wednesday, July 9th at 6pm. 6pm? Well, they will apply a prostaglandin gel to my cervix when I get there and let it sit overnight. Then, start pitocin the next morning. The nice thing is that I asked my doctor to schedule it when she is going to be there to deliver me. So, I wouldn't have to worry about having another doctor deliver me! Yay! Although, I could go into labor at anytime between now and then, so you never know! I hope I go into labor some time in the next few days on my own, because I really don't want to be induced. We will see what happens! I will keep you posted...

Still 1 cm...

Saw the doc on Friday and I am still dilated 1 cm and 70% effaced. But, anything can happen at any time! The doc felt the baby and thought he seemed "very long and narrow". So, duh, he is tall and skinny like his daddy!. But, he guessed that he was around 8 pounds, which isn't too bad. This is just a guesstimate, it wasn't a very scientific measurement of the baby. I just hope I have him in the next week so he doesn't end up being 9 pounds +!

The Braxton Hicks are happening every once in a while. I've had maybe 8 or so today, but I've been pretty active cleaning the house and doing laundry, some days I don't have any. My mama is coming tomorrow, so had to get the house all clean and get a little more organized. I have been waiting until my mom got here, then I can have the baby anytime after that! I'd say we are very ready to go to the hospital at any time! Well, I do need to finish packing my suitcase, I've got a few things in there, but it's not complete. I need to get some snacks for Rudy and myself and throw my toiletries, robe, slippers and the breastfeeding pillow in there. I really hope I am at home when the time comes, because then I can finish throwing everything in there. I should be, but I am going to try to go to the office on Tuesday. I am trying to work until I go into labor. I am praying that I go into labor in the next week, I really don't want to have to work past this week. The doc said if I don't go into labor on my own, they will probably induce me two weeks from tomorrow. I said TWO WEEKS??? I can't wait another two weeks, I am ready now! Maybe my female doc will say different when I see her this wednesday. I am thinking I will have him within a couple of days either side of my due date. At least I hope that is what happens! Pray for him to come out safely in the next week or so!

39 weeks...

Helllooooo big mama! I didn't think my belly was that much bigger than it was in the last few weeks, but in the pictures it does look bigger! It is hard to tell when it is your own body. But, I do think I am looking pretty chubby everywhere - especially my face, ugh. Only 1 more week! I was still dilated to 1 cm last Friday at my doc appt, but found out that I am 70% effaced. So, at least there is something going on, maybe tomorrow I will have made more progress. I see the doc tomorrow at 8am, so will post an update after that.

I am to the point where I am pretty uncomfortable and cumbersome. Walking is a chore and it hurts all over. My internal organs feel smashed like pancakes and nothing is working right, but I'll just leave it at that. I am pretty ready to not be pregnant anymore! It does get hard at the end, just like they say. I only have a few more things I need to do before this baby can come out. I am waiting until my mom gets here on Monday, and then I will be really ready. I am feeling pretty excited about meeting this little man - but I bounce from excited to scared to denial and back all the time. I am still working - from home today, tomorrow and Monday. If nothing is happening I may show my face in the office next Tues/Wed. I don't want to be seen as a slacker!

I still have a lot of things to blog about, but haven't gotten around to it. Another blog I read reminded me of all the decisions you have to make while pregnant - and there are a few I haven't shared with you that I keep meaning to. I am referring to breastfeeding, diapers, childcare, my work schedule, etc. I will post about this soon, I am tired now and ready for some zzzzzzzzzz. Good night!

I am dilated to 1 cm!

Just saw the doc and I have started to dilate - 1 whole cm. Cool! Not that I will be going into labor soon or anything, but it's nice to know I am making some progress! Only 9 more cm to go!

Nursery update: fabric choice

I know I have been slow in the nursery updates, but it has taken me a lot longer to accomplish some of these projects! I can at least show you the fabrics I chose for the nursery, although, they might seem off the wall without seeing the final projects. I finally finished the quilt this past weekend and it turned out just ok. It was a lot more challenging of a project than I expected, but sewing always seems to turn out that way. I don't have any pics to show you yet of the quilt, but expect to see some soon. I also (almost) finished painting the mural on the wall (thanks Marcy for the good kick start!). I think I want to add a little more to the walls though, so am not revealing that yet. It will probably still be a while before the entire nursery is finished -Rudy is building bookshelves which probably won't be done for another month or so, but I kind of want to wait to reveal the entire nursery until everything is done and in the room. But, I will share little tidbits along the way including the above fabrics!

These fabrics are by Etsuko Furuya from the Echino line. They are from a japanese designer and I fell in love with them when I saw them on reprodepot.com. They are very kooky - from afar, the damask looks very traditional, but up close it is filled with animals, bugs and skulls. Yes, skulls. I am also using the damask in green and purple, as well as a basic black and white polka dot fabric. When you see the quilt you will see all these fabrics come together! I couldn't resist the purple fabric with the birds on it either, so mixed it with the damask - it is working out pretty good. Well, that is all for now! I am off to the doctor now for my 37 week appointment.

36 week update

I saw the doc today and she did a more "invasive" exam. I am not dilating at all yet, but my cervix does feel soft! She thinks I will be dilated a little by next week, but who knows. I was also put on the monitor for 20 minutes - they call it a "non-stress" test for the baby. They just monitor the baby's heart rate while he is moving to make sure he isn't under any stress. This is a test for old ladies over 35 like myself. Everything is looking good! I am getting a little anxious for this phase of motherhood to be over - it is getting harder and harder to get around and sleep and I am tired! Luckily, my back has felt a little better this week so I am doing pretty good overall. Only 4 more weeks!

36 weeks belly shot

I don't think I look much bigger than a couple weeks ago.

35 weeks today, 35 days left to go...

And I am 35 years old! Weird! I think I need to play the lottery with those numbers! Part of me can't believe I only have 35 days to go - on the other hand, 5 weeks sounds like a long time. I am ready now! My back is still killing me - physical therapy has helped a little - but I still have moments where I am just totally miserable. But, I do have more moments where I am ok - just ok. I am pretty sure I will have to live with the back pain for the next 35 days - so, will just take it one day at a time.

I am now getting kicked in the ribs - my belly has officially reached the bottom of my rib cage. I can't imagine getting bigger than I already am! My skin is itchy and the whole top of my belly is pretty sore at the end of the day - probably from the squirmy, kicky little guy in there! He is pretty active - my belly looks like I am belly dancing sometimes - it is so fun to watch!

Oh - funny story. I went to get into my car yesterday morning and my dear hubbie had draped a garbage bag and towel over my seat. Haha!! He is so cute! He learned that in childbirth class last week. (FYI - it's just in case my water breaks in the car, I won't ruin the lovely leather seats). I had to laugh though because not only was the bag and towel over the bottom of the seat -it was tucked under the headrest covering the whole back of the seat too. I hope I don't explode amniotic fluid beyond my seat!!

33 weeks, 4 days belly shot

I haven't posted a pic in a while, so here you go! Only 44 days to go and I am getting very excited! We started our childbirth classes on Sunday, very informative. I can't wait to meet this little guy face to face and wish my due date was here already. But, I don't want him to be born early, so I will wait for another month and a half to slooooooooooowwwwwwlly tick by. I am trying to take this one day at a time as it is getting harder and harder to move around, sleep and work with all this baby stuff on my mind and extra weight in my belly I have to carry around. I still have so much to do!!! I wear out really quickly doing anything and need to lie down frequently because my back is still really bad. I think it has made a small improvement as long as I sit in a reclined position with my feet up. But doing anything causes my back to start hurting after a short bit. I am a mess! We went out to dinner on Sat night and that was the last time I am doing that - sitting in a chair eating is the worst possible place for my back. I can't tolerate it for long. 

Yesterday I was leaving work and just coming out of my building when I ran into my fertility doc! It was weird because I couldn't place him right away - seeing him out of context threw me - so I looked at him and he looked at me with a small flicker of recognition and then we passed and I realized who he was. I wish I would have realized sooner so I could have said "Hey Dr. Miller!! Thank you so much for my baby boy!!!" I haven't seen him since the day he did the embryo transfer and made me stand on my head! hee hee, I bet he would have liked to hear that everything is going ok, even though he probably really doesn't remember me.  What a fulfilling, yet busy job he has, giving couples babies they may have never otherwise conceived.  Probably a really stressful job though too to have so much responsibility.

Thank you for my baby shower!

Thank you Marcy for throwing me an awesome baby shower! I had a great time! Thank you to everyone who came and also to those who had to travel long distances, I really appreciate that you came so far. I love you all! 

30 week u/s - our tiny man

Look at that chubby face! Oh, I can't wait to kiss his chubby little cheeks all over! I think he has his Daddy's lips - they are bigger than my lips! But that wide little nose looks all Swedish to me! Hee hee. I think he is so cute and I can't wait for him to come out!

The u/s went good - he is doing just fine. He currently weighs an estimated 3 lbs, 4 oz. which falls right about average. He is going to come out in 10 weeks - I am so excited! The only sort of bad news though was that the placenta is riding kind of low. It is 2.5 centimeters from the cervix which is in the gray zone. If it was 2cm or less, I would definitely be having a c-section. If it is 3cm or more, I am safe going through a regular vaginal labor and delivery. Since I am in the middle, they will have to determine when I am in labor if it is safe to delivery naturally. They can tell if I am having more bleeding than usual, or the baby isn't faring well during labor. Isn't that just great? I hate being in the gray zone! So, now I have something else to worry about now. But, the baby's head is pointed down already so that is good anyway!

Gall bladder all clear!

You are probably like, say what? Well, the chiropractor I was seeing thought I may have gall bladder problems because I have been having pain in the front right side under the rib cage as well as the back pain. The gall bladder could have had stones or be infected in some way and this can lead to referred pain the in back. But, apparently, it was vice versa. My back is causing nerve pain that appears not only in my back but wraps around my side and into the front. I am having burning pain in the front as well as numbness there. I know my gall bladder is all good because I had an ultrasound of it last week. They also scanned my pancreas, aorta, spleen, liver and kidneys, so I know those organs are all good! Whew! I also got to see a glimpse of the baby on u/s. His head is down apparently - so all these limbs and parts that stick out on the right must be his tiny little baby butt, or his feet. I saw his hand move too - so cute! It was a very brief look at him to check his heartbeat. We have our 30 weeks u/s today so I will have a lot more info on where he is and how big he is, etc. I am hoping to have some great pics to share with you too! I am very excited!

So, I am currently seeing a new physical therapist who specializes in pregnant women. The last one I saw didn't seem to know much about pregnancy and was asking me if it was ok to do certain exercises, etc. Like, who is the expert here? This new therapist did a thorough examination of my spine and told me exactly what was wrong and now we are working on fixing it. Thank goodness, because I don't know how much more of this back pain I can take! Basically, my spine is twisting to the right. It starts in my lower back, but by the time it reaches the mid back where my pain is, it has rotated way out of whack. I have pain in my tailbone area too after sitting for a while - because that is affected as well. I am going to a "women serving women" physical therapy clinic which I highly recommend. They specialize in women's needs, such as pregnancy, and really know their stuff! I have only seen her 3 times now, and probably won't see total relief for a couple more weeks, but I will keep you posted on my progress.

My uterus is showing!!!

I've noticed people looking at my belly out in public.  It's kind of weird - I mean, my uterus is so big now that it is sticking way out and people can see it! hee hee. So, here is a more revealing photo of my belly and me. We took a bunch of photos on the beach in Puerto Rico and I will share some of them with you. However, we lost some of them - long story - but I still have a few to show. I hope you don't mind seeing me in a bathing suit! I just look very round! :-D

Puerto Rico belly shots - 27 weeks

I have lots of belly shots from Puerto Rico to share with you. I will try to share one every day or every couple of days. Here is the first one! We had just had a great dinner at a place called Pamela's on the beach. I look pretty round in this dress, but it is very comfy!

Belly perspective

Here is another perspective on my swelling belly. I took this photo on a whim in Puerto Rico and it is one of my favorites! We were sitting on a park bench in a square in front of Cafe Berlin (just a little restaurant in Old San Juan that bears my maiden name). Berlin will probably be our little man's middle name by the way.

It's amazing how wrapped up in this whole baby thing you can get. Before, I was so wrapped up in getting pregnant and those mostly painful memories have really faded (thank goodness) and been replaced with all the joys and pain of carrying this new life inside me.  However, the feelings of struggling with infertility do not completely go away. I still feel like I've been singled out and can't quite join the crowd of happy pregnant people. There are always these thoughts in my mind of resentment towards other people who seem to have it so easy and take it for granted. And, I told myself over and over how thrilled I would be to get pregnant that any amount of suffering during pregnancy, childbirth and those sleepless nights beyond would never compare to the pain of not knowing if I would ever even be a mother. But, in the midst of this pregnancy, I find myself doing a lot of complaining about how much my back hurts or how many times I wake up at night to go to the bathroom or to move (because my back hurts!). Being pregnant is difficult, there is no doubt about it. It must be this way to prepare you for what is to come - being a mother. But, I've already suffered dammit! Don't get me wrong, I am still enjoying being pregnant. When he kicks me after I sing him a song, or rub some little part of him sticking out, my heart just swells with joy! I love looking at my belly and knowing that I am growing this life inside me. It is a wonderful feeling too to have a piece of my husband growing inside me because I love him so much! 

I don't want to say that my pregnancy is any more special than anyone else's, but it sure is special to me! This is the biggest blessing of my life and I am so looking forward to more backaches, sleepless nights, crying babies, and all the other joys and pains of motherhood.

Easter belly - late I know!

I know I owe you some belly pics! This first one is from Easter Sunday - so 25 weeks, 4 days. The second one is just a week later at 26 weeks, 3 days. I have a lot of great belly photos from our trip to Puerto Rico and promise to share some of the good ones soon!

99 days til D-Day!

Only 99 days to go! I have so much to do and so little time. Actually, I wish I was closer to the end because my back is killing me and it will probably only get worse. I have been very tired the last few days - work is a little more intense lately and we have a lot going on. Rudy is working his butt off and so he is tired too. Thank goodness we are leaving for vacation this Saturday!! I can't wait!

The kick and rub game

Me and my baby are communicating!! He recently started sticking out a limb of some sort that I can feel on the outside. It looks like a lump is coming out of my belly or something. Anyway, last night, he was sticking something out and so I started rubbing it and talking to him. Then I stopped rubbing. And he kicked me. So, I started rubbing again. Then stopped. Then he kicked me again! Like, "mooooommmmm! don't stop rubbing me!!" It just warmed the cockles of my heart - we are communicating! I am so excited! This went on for a while and was so much fun. I can feel him kicking me now all over - it's hard to tell what's what of course, but I just love when I can feel some little part of him against my skin. He is going to be spoiled with massages by the time he comes out! This is the fun part of being pregnant and I am enjoying it!!!

The baby's dresser!

The baby's dresser arrived today! It is so awesome, this picture doesn't do it justice. It matches the crib just perfectly. The top and sides are white and the drawers are mocha stained maple. It's really nice from Room and Board. I love Room and Board! We also got a changing tray that matches to go on top - it takes up about 2/3 of the top of the dresser leaving just enough room for a lamp or a place to put all the diaper changing supplies. Oooooohhh, I can't wait to get the room all together and show you!

22 weeks, 4 days belly pic

Wow, what a difference a few weeks makes! I am starting to look kind of fat in the face too. Finally, my belly has a nice roundness to it. It is much more fun to actually look pregnant, I must say!

The nursery plans: the crib!

I will be sharing with you in upcoming posts the plans for the nursery! I am very, very pumped about designing this room for our little bundle of joy. After much deliberation, negotiation and research - we have purchased the first item for the nursery: the crib! This is the Stokke Sleepi crib - an oval crib (duh) that is very convertible, good for the environment, and meets my approval for a modern crib. Rudy really wanted this crib - I had other ideas, but we compromised because I am picking out everything else! This crib is pretty cool though - you can park it in the middle of the room, or against the wall. And, it has wheels so we can wheel it into our bedroom for a while when he is making the transition from the cosleeper to the crib. I am so excited!!! Rudy really likes it because with some conversion kits, it converts to a toddler bed, a junior bed and then you can take the ends off and they become chairs. Crazy! So, hopefully it will get years of use. I am just glad it came in this dark walnut stain -as it will match the dresser we are getting from Room and Board. But, that is for another post... When I get the crib I can start making the bedding - yippee!!! I can't wait to get the nursery all done - this is so much fun!

Pregnant moment

I have had a few pregnant moments, but the one from this morning is the best so far! I stopped and got the mail this morning on my way to work. We have one of those neighborhood mailboxes with a bunch of mailboxes all together in one place. Well, my neighbor just emailed me and said her husband saw me get the mail and then leave the mailbox door wide open with the key in it! HAHAHAHA! I just had to laugh, I am such an idiot! I was on the phone with Rudy at the time and must have been in a hurry to get back in the car, but duhhhhhhhhh... Thank goodness for nice neighbors who watch your back!

our little baby...

So, as promised, here is one pic from our last ultrasound when we found out he is a boy. This is a 4d shot done at the perinatologist. He has his left arm wrapped around his neck and you can see the umbilical cord sticking out of his little tiny tummy. He is kicking up a storm now and is around 10 inches long. We can't wait to meet him!!!

19 weeks, 3 days

Here is a clothed pic of my belly. Granted, we just ate dinner for Rudy's birthday, so I probably look a little bigger than normal. You can see a roundness to my abdomen that I hope looks like a prego girl and not just a girl who ate too much cake. Cuz, I have eaten too much cake and other stuff. ;) I am calling it the airline pillow right now. I hope it starts looking like a basketball soon! I will take a naked belly photo soon...

Oh, my aching back...

You'd think I was full term, carrying a 10 pound baby with the aches and pains I have! My back has been giving me trouble since last week. I am having trouble sitting at my desk - which I do all day everyday for work. I hunch over my laptop and work work work. I even have one of those fancy Herman Miller office chairs and I am still dying! I have since readjusted it the best I can and moved my laptop onto the keyboard tray so I can get everything lined up the best I can. It helps a little bit. I have to sit up perfectly straight with my belly against the tray so I can reach the keyboard properly. What am I gonna do when my belly starts getting in the way? I am willing to try anything - yoga, chiropractor, physical therapy, exercise, massage, anything!!! Somebody please tell me what to do... Every night I go home and lay on a heating pad or take a bath. (Yes, my doc said it was ok to do this!)

Speaking of yoga - I started taking prenatal yoga last Saturday. It was great! I think it may help with my back and of course with delivering this bouncing baby boy. The instructor even rubbed lavender aromatherapy on our feet at the end, it was pretty darn relaxing. This is the kind of exercise I can handle. I was fricking sore afterwards though - I overdid it on the stretching. It didn't hurt when I was doing the moves, but I guess I overstretched a little. It felt so good to do it though and I feel fine now. I am going back again this Saturday! I just need to get up off my butt and do a couple other things too, like walk on the treadmill or take another class somewhere. I would like to take water aerobics or something like that, I am looking into it. Now is the time to do whatever I have to do!

Rudy and I went shopping on Saturday and bought a bunch of clothes for our baby son. Son, I am going to have a son! That is so weird to say!!! Macy's had a great sale and we bought lots of typical baby stuff - sleepers and onesies all in pretty boy pastel colors with giraffes and animals and frogs and sailboats on them. We got a really cute baby blue velour tracksuit from Ralph Lauren - Rudy had to have it and of course I couldn't resist. I had picked up the hip hop Adidas track suit first, but we settled on the velour. It is so small and so fricking cute!!!!!!! We got him his first pair of khaki cargo pants at the Gap too - everything is so tiny and cute. And, of course we got him his first socks - these trumpette baby camo socks - they are so little, but so darn cute. Now I have to go out and find him some more stylish baby clothes - I am thinking more along the lines of rock and roll baby wear, no more of this pastel baby stuff!!! Ohhhhh - I love it all, it is all so darn irresistible!!

What will our baby boy look like?

His Daddy?

His Mommy?

Hee hee, aren't we cute? Rudy was 14 months in this photo of him, I am only 6 months. I hope baby boy looks like his Daddy with those pudgy cheeks, wait, I mean pudgy everything! His pa called him 'porkchop' cuz he was so chubby. But, look at those big dimples! Did I mention that Rudy weighed about 10lbs at birth? Ouch!

I'm a boy!

It's official and there is NO doubt about it, it's a boy! Now I can go on a shopping rampage and buy all the coolest, cutest most awesome baby boy clothes I can find. Watch out! I am going to stimulate the economy singlehandedly with my shopping excursions! I just ordered some fabric today for the bedding. Yes, I am going to make it myself. I kind of have to because we are getting an oval crib and the choices for bedding are very limited. I am also very, very, very picky and have to design this all myself because that's what I like to do. I am not 100% sure in my head how it is going to turn out yet, but I am working on it and will share the details with you. You see, I kind of had my heart set on a baby girl, so had the girl nursery all worked out. But, now I have to go down the boy path and figure that out. But, we are happy to be having a very healthy, sweet little baby boy.

I have some ultrasound pictures to post, but I left them at grandma's, so will do it when I get them back.

High kicks!

Wow, I just got my first real big kick!! That was so cool! I have been feeling some movement infrequently for the last 2 weeks or so, but this was for sure a real live kick! It was on the left down about 3 inches or so below the belly button. That felt so weird, but so awesome! There is a real baby in there and she is kicking her mama around! The movement up until now felt more like water in the pipes or little bubbles. One time it felt like I was going down a big hill on a rollercoaster, ya know where your stomach flips over? Very cool. Only 4 more days and we will know for sure if it is a 'she' or a 'he'. I can't wait!! Keep kicking me little baby!

Our Babymoon is booked!

This is our last chance to get away for a while and to take Jackson (my stepson) somewhere fun on Spring Break! We are going to Puerto Rico for 8 days the first week of April. I can't wait to just relax in the sunshine and read a book. This is the pool at the hotel we are staying at. I don't think we will be going on vacation anytime soon with a new baby, so had to push for a week away this spring. This is another thing to look forward to to get through this very dismal, cold and snowy winter! It is just ridiculous, the weather has really sucked in Chicagoland. It has snowed almost every week it seems like since before Christmas! Last night it was a horrible blizzard, got down to 20 below (windchill) and the snow was blowing sideways. Bika the dog would NOT go outside to do her business, she put her brakes on as soon as we opened the door. Jackson and I pushed her out the door and she squatted right on the stoop and peed. Silly doggie! I really can't blame her though, if I had to do that outside, it would probably never happen! So, in two months my belly will be bigger and maybe a little browner! Can pregnant ladies get a tan? More questions for the doc...

Christmas bellys - Katrina and Shannon

I know what you are thinking. Why is your belly bigger in this pic at Christmas than it is now? I was pushing it out to look like I had more of a belly, ok? I wanted to look more pregnant in this photo with Shannon. It wasn't hard to do considering we just ate Christmas dinner! This is my sister in law who is due on April 7th. There is just more bloating going on in my belly here than usual, but the pic is cute because I look more prego! I just wanted a picture of our prego bellys together. Aren't we just so cute?

17 weeks belly shot

I will be 17 weeks tomorrow and here's how I look! Not much of a belly to speak of. I just look a little chubby and thick in the waist. I have only gained about 6 or 7 pounds so far, so there must be some baby in there, not just flab! I had a pic from 10 weeks and it doesn't really look much different than this, weird. I guess I am just slow to show. I thought for sure I would have a big belly by now, but gals, you just don't show as quickly as you think when you are pregnant for the first time! I am wearing maternity clothes now because my regular clothes are just too tight and uncomfortable. I did some shopping recently and bought a bunch of stuff - almost all of it on sale! Now is a good time to shop, I got some great deals and some really cute clothes!

If you look really close at my left eye (the eye on the right in the pic), it looks pink. I have unfortunately managed to contract a new autoimmune disorder in my eye called iritis. Lucky me! It was soooooooooooo severely painful, I have not felt pain this bad before. I was basically blinded the last couple days - I couldn't open my eyes if there were any lights on or if it was daytime without getting a sharp pain in my eye sort of like being hit in the face with a baseball bat. Ouch, I am not kidding, it was pretty bad. And worse during the night, I would wake up with this throbbing, pounding horrible pain behind my eye. All I could do was put ice on it to make the pain subside. Well, thank goodness the opthalmologist figured out what it was and gave me the right steroid eye drops, it feels so much better today, but is still red as you can see. It can take up to 8 weeks to completely go away. I hope it doesn't last that long, but as long as I can see and go to work, I will get by. My vision is blurry in that eye which is really annoying. Being blind really is tough. I was so bored, there is literally nothing to do other than listen to the tv or talk to other people and I just layed in bed and did nothing! It is hard to get around the house when you are not used to not seeing. I just stayed in bed and thank goodness Rudy stayed home yesterday to take care of me. Well, pray for my eye to heal quickly so I can stop taking these eye drops, they are not technically approved for during pregnancy. But, I had no choice. Go blind in my left eye, or get better and have a very remote chance of something happening to the baby. This is a totally different topic, and I have already made my choice, but it was not easy. I just pray I don't have to take these drops for much longer.

Well, 2 more weeks and we get to find out the sex of the baby!! We are going to start buying the baby furniture soon. I can't wait to share all the baby room decorating with you!

1st trimester screening results

Just thought I'd update you with the exact numbers from the first trimester screening.

Downs syndrome: 1/1699 chance of baby having downs
Trisomy 18/13: 1/9281

That is much better than the usual statistics for my age range - (1/300) for downs, so the doc says this is a normal result and very good! The trisomy 18/13 is another chromosome problem they test for, but don't know anything about it other than that.

Like I said, we aren't doing any more tests like this - no amnio, no nothing, because nothing would prevent us from having the baby anyway. So, yay, this is a little load off our minds.

I am a bad blogger :-( 15 week update

Sorry to have skipped out on you. I was very busy (lazy) during the holidays and haven't gotten around to updating you on my progress. Well, I am 15 weeks today! Whoopee!! I still don't look pregnant and don't feel any movement yet, but it is still early for that I suppose. I just want to have a big ole belly, but instead I just look thicker around the waist. I do have a picture I took a while back, but never posted because I just look fat and what is the point of that? I promise to start posting belly pics when I actually have a real looking prego belly. I am not fitting into my clothes anymore, I wear them with the button unbuttoned. I do have some maternity pants I can wear now though, but they kind of fall down a little. This in between stage is tough, who knew it would last for half my pregnancy? Sheesh!

I saw the doc on Jan 2 and everything is fine. The baby's heartbeat was 148 and the first trimester screening results came back normal. They give you the results in terms of "1/300 chance that the baby will have down's syndrome or other chromosomal abnormality". That is the actual number for my age range, but my results came back better than that, I just don't know what the exact number is yet. That reminds me I have to call the doc's office to get the exact number. We aren't planning to do any more testing on this baby, we are having him/her regardless of any problems. I am having a level 2 ultrasound on Feb 4 with the perinatologist though. My OB wants them to follow me because of the antibody thing. Oh yea, I suppose I should mention that. We got a bunch of non-answers from the perinatologist about that. They don't know what the antibody is and don't think there will be any problems. It is possible that the baby could become anemic, which is why we are doing the level 2 u/s at 18 weeks or so. But, he didn't really think that would happen. They are going to test my blood every month to monitor me though. So, I guess I don't have much to worry about. Yea right!

The good news is that on Feb 4th we should find out the sex of the baby! YES!! I can't wait!